I am up this early because I believe I am still 16 for some reason. Last night I went out and purchased Taco Bell at roughly 1030pm. I then consumed it and thought that was the end of it. Unfortunately for me this was just the beginning. I went to bed around 1130pm and awoke at 130am by some light stomach cramping and a whinning dog. I put the dog back to sleep then went back to bed thinking nothing of the light stomach pain. Then it hit me around 3am. I woke up with some horrible indigestion, I mean really bad. Like so much pain in my mid-section that I couldn't stand up without huge amounts of pain. I got some pepto and water to start the process of trying to flush this stuff out. About an hour and 30 minutes into the pain and discomfort I prayed, God just let this end. Prayer was answered less than 5 minutes later. It all came back up. I haven't puked in a long time, but this was the first time I think I was ever thankful for it. When I finished I thanked God for the release. I hadn't felt even a touch like I was gonna puke before I prayed.
For some reason I have these moments where I believe I can act like I am a teenager still. This is just one example. Now you can look at this and say, "Whatever, you got sick, wasn't God". I choose to see it differently. That being said I have chosen to start seeing a number of things different. The last week has been a very strong spiritual battle. I have fought off food a decent bit, I did a two day fast from food, I had some really good in depth discussions with my wife about God, and really started to form some sustainable rhythm's around prayer, worship, and reading the Bible. Honestly I have had to fight to not read Facebook. I love people and like to know how people are doing. I love community, and to a degree Facebook provides some of that. I am happy to say I have not given in and used Facebook.
I realized yesterday during church that I have built up a resistance to worshiping God fully. I am so worried about the impression or opinions I think others will have (yes think, not know, so it's all in my head) I hold back worshiping in church. I want to break through this and worship God fully while in church. I have come to realize that loving God and following Him is all the time. I think I have lived most of my life by "taking plays off" or "turning off my brain" and just doing things based on what I think/feel. I am trying to have 100% community with God now. I am trying to look to him for just about everything. It is really helping me to stay away from certain additions, which is awesome.
I do feel closer to God after spending these 15 days more focused on Him. With that said I still have a long ways to go and that is okay. You can't form a deep and intimate relationship in 2 weeks, so I know a deeper relationship with God will take more time. I am reading about the life of David right now and I want his heart for God. David just had constant community with God and I want my heart/mindset to be that in tune and close to God. That more than anything else is what I want.
I still struggle with over eating. That is pretty obvious based on the first part of this post. It is very much a compulsion and something I give into to very easily. I still need a lot of prayer around this area of my life. This more than anything else is my life is going to take time to over come. I know my God is stronger than any desire I have. I know my God can break these chains of addiction I have. I know my God will have victory in my life over this. I know I need to choose to let God have this area of my life. I know I need to make better decisions around what I eat and when. I know I need better boundries around food in my life.
I praise God for all he is doing in me. I pray that He would continue to change me and make me the man He intended me to be.
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