300 and counting

So I keep gaining weight. Honestly I have done nothing to change my diet, life style, or pursuit of losing 100 lbs in 300 days. I tend to get good, sometimes great, ideas and just state them and do nothing. It happens a ton in my private life. My wife can attest that I will make proclamations of change, movement, conquest, epicness, and other grandiose ideas. Once they have left my mouth, the drive I felt in the idea has passed. It's almost like the more people I tell the less inspired I am to do it. It's more about the idea and how clever/cool/awesome it is/was than actually putting in the effort to accomplish it.

I feel like my relationship with Christ is much the same. I read books, pray prayers, sing songs, and even serve His people with no drive or desire to cultivate a closer relationship. It's typically me talking about serving or doing or learning that leads to nothing. It's usually when I am forced, asked (because everyone knows I can't say No to anything), or feel so guilty it hurts that I actually do something for Christ. I know that this is the opposite of what Christ desires for my life. I know what scripture says and I know how I am 'supposed' to live.

As I get older I am beginning to separate the real from the fake. What I mean by this is that I know now that deceiving myself into believing that I did something just by saying it is crap. Let me explain via a story. When I was younger, I had convinced myself that I was the next Johnny Bench. I did this through my own ideas and dreams, not anything that was real. I didn't make any little league all-star games, I didn't bat above .200, and I didn't have a great arm. In my mind I had convinced myself that I was as good as he was despite all of my faults. The truth was I couldn't play baseball well at all. It was delusional at best. I know kids should dream, but in hind sight I wish someone would have told me how bad I was and awoken me from this lie. It would have helped me figure this whole thing out much sooner.

I think after many years of delusion something is breaking through. I think the vale of lies is beginning to be lifted in my life and the truth is shinning in. I pray that God awakens my mind to the truth of this life and the lies I left myself believe about following Him.

100 in 300

So most everyone who has talked to me in the last year knows that in May I "ran" a half marathon. At the time I was in the best physical health of my life. Now I struggle daily to control what and how much I eat. It's not that I am not aware of the weight I have gained back, it's just like I don't acknowledge it. I almost see myself as I was just 6 months ago instead of seeing the 300lbs guy in the mirror. I thought about why I gained all my weight back and the only conclusion I can come to is that I stopped trusting God with this area of my life. I 'took the wheel' so to speak and ran off the road into a huge ditch. I like to make a big deal of things and I like to feel proud of myself. So 'running' this race gave me satisfaction and made me think I could control all of this. When in reality it was my lack of control that got me to my goal. It was trusting God with every daily food based decision that got me to where I was just 6 short months ago.

"I know that you will, over come Evil for Good." This is a line from Elle G a song by Newsboys (old school Newsboys). It happened to be on while I was righting this post. I know that God can overcome evil for good in my life. I just have to wake up every morning and put my faith/trust/life in His hands. I am making a pledge right here in now to lose 100lbs in 300 days. I am making this pledge to the God who created me, who can move mountains, and create planets. I have faith in my God to be bigger than my desires and compulsions to eat myself to death. I will not let Satan destroy the man that God has made me. I will not let sin rule my life. I know God will over come EVIL for GOOD! Day 1 is today, I weight 300.2lbs. Please pray for me as I know the attacks will be worse than ever. The temptations will be stronger and harder. My God is Stronger! My God is Bigger! My God is All Powerful!