300 and counting

So I keep gaining weight. Honestly I have done nothing to change my diet, life style, or pursuit of losing 100 lbs in 300 days. I tend to get good, sometimes great, ideas and just state them and do nothing. It happens a ton in my private life. My wife can attest that I will make proclamations of change, movement, conquest, epicness, and other grandiose ideas. Once they have left my mouth, the drive I felt in the idea has passed. It's almost like the more people I tell the less inspired I am to do it. It's more about the idea and how clever/cool/awesome it is/was than actually putting in the effort to accomplish it.

I feel like my relationship with Christ is much the same. I read books, pray prayers, sing songs, and even serve His people with no drive or desire to cultivate a closer relationship. It's typically me talking about serving or doing or learning that leads to nothing. It's usually when I am forced, asked (because everyone knows I can't say No to anything), or feel so guilty it hurts that I actually do something for Christ. I know that this is the opposite of what Christ desires for my life. I know what scripture says and I know how I am 'supposed' to live.

As I get older I am beginning to separate the real from the fake. What I mean by this is that I know now that deceiving myself into believing that I did something just by saying it is crap. Let me explain via a story. When I was younger, I had convinced myself that I was the next Johnny Bench. I did this through my own ideas and dreams, not anything that was real. I didn't make any little league all-star games, I didn't bat above .200, and I didn't have a great arm. In my mind I had convinced myself that I was as good as he was despite all of my faults. The truth was I couldn't play baseball well at all. It was delusional at best. I know kids should dream, but in hind sight I wish someone would have told me how bad I was and awoken me from this lie. It would have helped me figure this whole thing out much sooner.

I think after many years of delusion something is breaking through. I think the vale of lies is beginning to be lifted in my life and the truth is shinning in. I pray that God awakens my mind to the truth of this life and the lies I left myself believe about following Him.