100 in 300

306.8... it's time...

100 in 300 Update

I have been very successful going backwards! I am up to 306.4 now! I am so tired all the time. It's not just physical, it's emotionally, mentally, spiritually. I am very apathetic towards everything right now. So it really comes down to make or break time. I only have about 3 months until the half marathon. I only have 8 months to get to 200 lbs. On the bright side none of my clothes fit me...

I don't know that I really care enough to do this all over again. The first time was more of a "can I do it" thing. Now I know I can and I just so don't care... I don't like who I am right now but nothing is really pushing me to change. It's that comfy lukewarm feeling that can be so easy to swim in.

I honestly don't know what will happen to me. I just know I am close to breaking one way or another. The tension is building in the apathy and it will break through soon.

Fat man's dream and desire

For my stress to be gone. For my daily tension to be gone. For my focus to not be on food. For my focus to not be on my needs. For myself to not be the focus of me.

For my focus to be Christ. For love to be my daily addition. For God's Word to be my focus. For my focus to be others. For God to be the focus of me.

Yep...

Why does change require so much action and effort? To change is hard and it always seems to require more effort than I am willing to give. You would think that after years of trying on my own to change things I would learn to give these things up to God. I know that is what I should do but for some reason I don't. My level of frustration with my old habits has reached an all time high. But despite this I still choose to live in my old habits. I need a change and I need it now.