I am finding it hard to focus at work. It seems when one area of my life improves I get attacked emotionally and mentally in the other areas. In fact I am writing this entry at work because I am struggling a lot with focusing. Trying to do something I want to in order to jump start my desire to work on work things.
I am struggling with temptation in many area's and it's so much stronger than normal. I want to spend more money for some reason. I am eating better for the most part, which is good. Initially sexual temptation was non-existent, but now that type of temptation is creeping back in. I haven't given into any of the normal sins like over eating and porn. I have spent more money that I should, which on my list of issues is like anywhere from #3 to #5 depending on the day/week it is.
Focusing on God and trying to let Him have control is rough, much harder than I remember it. Maybe it's because I am so used to holding onto every little thing I do that it has become harder. I just read about Saul disobeying God on multiple occasions and I feel like Saul. God is giving me clear direction on what to do, I am just not listening or following. I feel like my wife is my Samuel and gives me great advise and direction and I just don't listen. I have gotten to spend significantly more time with her, which has been awesome. I really have enjoyed the time I have spent with her. That has been a real blessing.
I am trying to be patient and change my line of thinking about life. I fill my life with tons of activities, I am trying to avoid that again. I am praying about it, but I still get anxious when I think about life after these 45 days. I feel like my laziness is becoming an issue. That I am starting to go too far in the opposite direction. I want to find the middle ground. I want to learn to say no to things that I should. This is becoming very difficult.
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