45 Days w/ God - Wrap Up

I never did take the time to finish what I started with this blog, so now I will...

At the end of the 45 days I will be completely honest, I was changed. I still had troubles/issues/problems/etc., but my heart and mind were changed. The time I got to spend with God on a daily basis was amazing. Nothing can replace setting aside time to spend with your LORD. Each day would draw me closer and closer to Him. The most awesome thing in all of this was I felt the opposition to what I was doing. Each day I was tempted, clouded, and some times blasted with evil in many ways. This was validation for me. This was the proof that God is LORD and evil is real. This isn't just some random religion and this isn't some false god. Jesus is in fact the Christ and following Him daily caused me more trouble than not. This showed me what I was doing was real, true, and right.

I know I am not "quantifying" any of this story with real stories of events or evidence/proof. I feel like that is better explained in person. So if you want to know more about my experiences let's get coffee or just sit down and talk sometime. I would love to share with you exactly what happened to me.

The point of all of this is that the 45 days away from all of the mess (Internet, facebook, busy work, extra stuff, etc.) allowed me to discover God in a new way. I highly recommend spending some time with God each day. Go into a room, away from everything, and talk with God. If you want to know more about how this should look, drop me a line, would love to talk to you about it.

45 Days w/ God - Day 15

I am up this early because I believe I am still 16 for some reason. Last night I went out and purchased Taco Bell at roughly 1030pm. I then consumed it and thought that was the end of it. Unfortunately for me this was just the beginning. I went to bed around 1130pm and awoke at 130am by some light stomach cramping and a whinning dog. I put the dog back to sleep then went back to bed thinking nothing of the light stomach pain. Then it hit me around 3am. I woke up with some horrible indigestion, I mean really bad. Like so much pain in my mid-section that I couldn't stand up without huge amounts of pain. I got some pepto and water to start the process of trying to flush this stuff out. About an hour and 30 minutes into the pain and discomfort I prayed, God just let this end. Prayer was answered less than 5 minutes later. It all came back up. I haven't puked in a long time, but this was the first time I think I was ever thankful for it. When I finished I thanked God for the release. I hadn't felt even a touch like I was gonna puke before I prayed.

For some reason I have these moments where I believe I can act like I am a teenager still. This is just one example. Now you can look at this and say, "Whatever, you got sick, wasn't God". I choose to see it differently. That being said I have chosen to start seeing a number of things different. The last week has been a very strong spiritual battle. I have fought off food a decent bit, I did a two day fast from food, I had some really good in depth discussions with my wife about God, and really started to form some sustainable rhythm's around prayer, worship, and reading the Bible. Honestly I have had to fight to not read Facebook. I love people and like to know how people are doing. I love community, and to a degree Facebook provides some of that. I am happy to say I have not given in and used Facebook.

I realized yesterday during church that I have built up a resistance to worshiping God fully. I am so worried about the impression or opinions I think others will have (yes think, not know, so it's all in my head) I hold back worshiping in church. I want to break through this and worship God fully while in church. I have come to realize that loving God and following Him is all the time. I think I have lived most of my life by "taking plays off" or "turning off my brain" and just doing things based on what I think/feel. I am trying to have 100% community with God now. I am trying to look to him for just about everything. It is really helping me to stay away from certain additions, which is awesome.

I do feel closer to God after spending these 15 days more focused on Him. With that said I still have a long ways to go and that is okay. You can't form a deep and intimate relationship in 2 weeks, so I know a deeper relationship with God will take more time. I am reading about the life of David right now and I want his heart for God. David just had constant community with God and I want my heart/mindset to be that in tune and close to God. That more than anything else is what I want.

I still struggle with over eating. That is pretty obvious based on the first part of this post. It is very much a compulsion and something I give into to very easily. I still need a lot of prayer around this area of my life. This more than anything else is my life is going to take time to over come. I know my God is stronger than any desire I have. I know my God can break these chains of addiction I have. I know my God will have victory in my life over this. I know I need to choose to let God have this area of my life. I know I need to make better decisions around what I eat and when. I know I need better boundries around food in my life.

I praise God for all he is doing in me. I pray that He would continue to change me and make me the man He intended me to be.

45 Days w/ God - Day 8

This is the 8th day of my time off/time with God. I have been resting that is for sure. Most of that rest has been nice, but some has been horrible. I 'relaxed' yesterday with one of my favorite past times, video games. I sat down and played The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword. I picked this game up several months ago and had never had the time to get into it. I finally decided to crack the game open and play some. I got maybe 6 hours into playing total (not in one sitting) and realized how dark I felt inside. I had let the darkness of the game start to inhabit my mind. I let hours of my life slip away with each corner and heart container.

I want to say that video games are not bad. Many people play video games and live healthy lives. This just took me back to the times when I would play games for 12-18 hours a day and do nothing. When video games consumed me. It haunted me the rest of the day on Sunday. It took some scripture and my wife to cleanse the darkness I felt. I realized, like other things from my past, video games needed to go away and not come back.

The sermon at church yesterday was spot on. Ben nailed it on the head and I left encouraged. I saw what I used to call 'rest' did to me after this. Today hasn't been much better. I spent the morning listening to worship and even tried to listen to a Rich Nathan sermon while working at work. I feel dark inside. I let the fear/stress/unbalance I was feel manifest itself.

As most know I have been trying to eat better. This is one of my 'big 2 sins'. I ate what I brought with me for breakfast and lunch and was doing well. Until my drive home. I stopped at Wendy's and consumed somewhere around 1500-2000 calories would be my best guess. I ate a full days meal because I felt bad for myself. I needed a 'release' something to make me feel better. Only this device made me feel worse, much worse.

I am having troubles with self control even with less going on in my life. Now I realize that it's not really all the stress and lack of time that drives me to do things I don't want to. I just choose to do the wrong thing and blame them on the stress. The fundamental shift needed in my heart and mind is much larger than I previously thought. The issues are deeper than time management and priority management.

I prayed last night to God. I read about David being made king over all of Israel. I have made at least one HUGE determination in this first week spiritually. A SPIRITUAL REALM EXISTS AND IS ACTIVE IN OUR PHYSICAL WORLD. This became very clear to me yesterday. I experienced the presence of God via the Holy Spirit and the presence of demon's and sin via old habits. It's not to say that I didn't see it or experience it in other ways, but those stick out. I an honestly say that fear/worry is all but settled in me now. I still don't understand eternity, heaven, the spiritual world, what exactly will happen after I die, but I do know it is very real. I thank God for this because I believe He is working on me and showing me who He is in new ways. I also thank Satan for validating that he is real. I feel like knowing there is a Satan in very important. The tricks and slumps he puts you in and tempts you with validate how strong God is. Just reading the Bible calmed the uneasy spirit that was in my yesterday. It was AWESOME!

I still feel bad right now due to the amount of food I ate, but I know God is working in me and freeing me slowly but surely from these chains. I just pray that I keep looking to Christ. That I keep pressing in as this is getting harder every day. I just want to break free and love God every day. I want to share Christ with others. I want to live my life as a sacrifice to the God who saved me.

45 Days w/ God - Day 5

I am finding it hard to focus at work. It seems when one area of my life improves I get attacked emotionally and mentally in the other areas. In fact I am writing this entry at work because I am struggling a lot with focusing. Trying to do something I want to in order to jump start my desire to work on work things.

I am struggling with temptation in many area's and it's so much stronger than normal. I want to spend more money for some reason. I am eating better for the most part, which is good. Initially sexual temptation was non-existent, but now that type of temptation is creeping back in. I haven't given into any of the normal sins like over eating and porn. I have spent more money that I should, which on my list of issues is like anywhere from #3 to #5 depending on the day/week it is.

Focusing on God and trying to let Him have control is rough, much harder than I remember it. Maybe it's because I am so used to holding onto every little thing I do that it has become harder. I just read about Saul disobeying God on multiple occasions and I feel like Saul. God is giving me clear direction on what to do, I am just not listening or following. I feel like my wife is my Samuel and gives me great advise and direction and I just don't listen. I have gotten to spend significantly more time with her, which has been awesome. I really have enjoyed the time I have spent with her. That has been a real blessing.

I am trying to be patient and change my line of thinking about life. I fill my life with tons of activities, I am trying to avoid that again. I am praying about it, but I still get anxious when I think about life after these 45 days. I feel like my laziness is becoming an issue. That I am starting to go too far in the opposite direction. I want to find the middle ground. I want to learn to say no to things that I should. This is becoming very difficult.

45 Days w/ God - Day 2

So the first two days of my life style readjustment are almost over. The improvement in time spent with my wife and family is much better. I have eaten dinner with my wife two days in a row, which is some sort of record I am sure. I got to take a walk with my wife and dog last night. Work is still busy, but my life outside of work is not stressful, so this creates a much better balance. I haven't made an amazing spiritualy break through, but I have prayed more intentionally, spent time with God in praise, and prayed a good bit more. It hasn't been a dramatic flip over from what I normally do. This is very comforting to me. I feel like the changes being made can be sustained, which is my goal. I don't want to be SO EXTREME in everything that it is not sustainable past these 45 days. I want to create a healthy balance between family, God, friends, church, and life stuff. I feel like God is guiding me to that place. I feel lighter in my chest. Normally my chest is physically tight and stress enables the justifcation of eating, pornography, and any other sin I choose to engage in. Eating itself is not a sin, but for me it is an issue and a sin most times I do it. I find myself not worring about eating which I always used to do. I find myself going for walks as a break during work, which I never used to do. Right now everything seems to be heading in the right direction. I just feel better physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. I pray that this just keeps going.

45 Days with the God

The idea of spending time with 'God' is not something I give a lot of weight. Yes I am a Christian and yes I believe completely in the bible, but in my daily life I do not give God time. I might pray a little here or there. I occasionally read my bible to 'get back on track'. I never really give God everything. You can read about Christian's in the bible who gave everything. You can read stories of missionaries who gave everything. I know I don't give God 10 minutes some days, let alone my life, family, heart, mind, etc.

If you know me you know I am a very busy person. I like to fill my life with tasks and different jobs to try and keep myself busy. Many of you know I keep my self too busy, I overload my schedule. Some times to the point that I break down or my marriage begins to break down. I do this in 2 year spirts. I slowly involve myself in more and more things until my schedule is overflowing with activities, groups, and work. Then I break down mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I am not a rock star by any means, but I feel like one sometimes. I feel over stimulated and out of my mind. I feel lost in my own body and life.

So I have taken steps to remove every extra from my life. I have stopped serving at my church (gasp!), I have stopped participating in tons of extra groups (gasp!), I have pulled back my work schedule, and I have removed all fat from my schedule. I have replaced it with quality time with my wife and free time. That free time is going to belong to God.

I plan on taking the next 45 days and spending it with God. Taking this time of rest to examine this relationship. To evaluate everything I believe. To try and learn more about the God I believe in and draw as close to Him as possible. During this time I am giving up Twitter, Pinterest, Facebook, and all other web surfing not essential to my full time job. The reason for removing these elements is they are distractions. I will however be blogging here in a journal like fashion. I plan on being completely open and honest. I am going to hide nothing during this time. I feel like it's important to be fully honest and go after God without putting up any walls.

I will update this most days. The plan is to spend time in the bible, in dedicated prayer, in worship via music, in worship via writing, and in submission to the Holy Spirit. Society has begun to teach me that there is no God. My plan is to dive deep and find out how real the God I believe in is. I want to make sure you get to see how much I discover during this time.

I would appreciate your prayers during this time that I can open myself up to all that God has for me. Thanks to all of my friends and family who support me and love me. God has truly blessed me with the people in my life. My prayer is that this blog allows you to see exactly what I go through and shows who God really is.

Buffalo Chicken Dip and so much more

So I think I might start posting some of my recipes up here as well. I love to cook and adapt my own tastes to foods I like. Starting this off with a BANG!

Dave’s Buffalo Chicken Dip

What you will need:

1 – 6qt Crock Pot

6 – Boneless Skinless Chicken Breasts (anywhere from 4-5.5 lbs of chicken) (Costco)

2 – 8oz Blocks of Philadelphia Cream Cheese (off brand doesn’t taste as good) (Kroger)

1 - 16oz block of Tillamook Medium Cheddar Cheese, shredded by hand (don’t by off brand or oil based cheese or you will get GIANT pools of oil in your dip) (Costco, I buy the 32oz Block and cut it in half)

2 – 12oz Bottles of Franks RedHot Wings Sauce Buffalo Flavor (make sure to get wings sauce and not pepper sauce) (Kroger)

1 – 1oz Packet of Dry Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing (Kroger)

1 – Half a stick of unsalted butter (unsalted is key here) (Kroger)

2 Tablespoons of minced garlic

1 – Sheet Pan

2 Tablespoons of Extra Virgin Olive Oil

Salt

Pepper

Cutting Board

2 Forks

Prep:

Shred the half a block of Tillamook Cheddar Cheese and store in fridge

Sit the 2 blocks of cream cheese out of the counter to soften

Clean any excess fat off the chicken breasts

Directions:

Put the crock pot on HIGH. Put 3 of the chicken breasts onto the base of the crockpot. Try to make sure they do not over lap and make good contact with the base of the crockpot. Pour 2/3 of a bottle of wings sauce evenly over the breasts and pour the entire packet of dry ranch dressing on top. Cover the crockpot with a lid and set your timer for 90 minutes.

With 45 Minutes left turn the chicken breasts over in pot so the top side now is flush with the bottom of the crockpot. When you are done turning the breasts preheat your oven for 375 degrees. Take the remaining chicken breasts and rub them with the 2 tablespoons of EVOO and lightly cover with salt and pepper. When the oven is preheated put the chicken breasts into the oven for 35 minutes.

Once the chicken breasts have finished roasting in the oven, set them on the side and let them rest. Once your 90 minute timer is up pull out a cutting board and two forks, pull one of the breasts from the crockpot, and begin to pull the chicken. I put a fork in the fattest part of the breast and drag the other fork across the breasts to pull or shred the chicken. This takes some time, but it gets the desire result. Once you have pulled the first breast a part put the pulled chicken back into the crockpot and pull another breast out. Repeat this with all 3 breasts in the crock pot. Once you have finished with the breasts in the crockpot take ¼ a stick of unsalted butter and cut it into pats. Place the pats at random on the pulled chicken in the crock pot. Pour the remaining 1/3 of bottle of wings sauce over the pulled chicken.

Take the 3 breasts that were roasted and pull them one at a time on your cutting board just like the ones from the crock pot. Add them to the crockpot as you go. Once all three roasted breasts have been added to the crock pot repeat adding pats of butter and add ½ of the second bottle of wings sauce. If the mix is too mild or not covered in sauce enough, add the remaining wings sauce. Add the 2 tablespoons of minced garlic and stir into the crockpot.

Allow the mixture to heat up in temperature then begin to add the shredded cheese. Do it a little bit at a time, stirring to make sure the cheese melts in before adding more. Do this until all the cheese is gone. Then cut up the cream cheese blocks into squares, should get about 8 squares per block. Drop the blocks in one at a time and stir in to incorporate. Once all the cheese is added let the pot sit for about 10-15 minutes. Once the dip has heated back up in temperate, taste it for spice heat level, if it’s not spicy enough add remaining wings sauce if you haven’t already.  

You can consume the dip immediately or let it cool and refrigerate over night to allow flavors to meld more, and then reheat the next day. Either way you can eat with Tortilla Chips, on burritos or tacos, on a sandwich bun like a sloppy joe (I recommend sweet or Hawaiian buns/rolls), or as a topper to hot dogs, burgers, or chicken. I recommend pairing with Blue Cheese (actual cheese or dressing) and Celery if at all possible.

100 in 300

So had a huge relapse with food the last week and half. Any weight loss is back on. I am okay with it. I know I failed for a period of time, now I just need to focus. I have roughly 2.5 months until the flying pig. I think it's time to focus on Christ and let him drive. The last 2 months of Dave driving have sucked horribly.

I am changing my daily habits. I will find time to read my bible every day. I will find time to pray and talk with God every day. I will find time to praise God, everyday. Even if it means not listening to Mike and Mike on the way to work and putting on some Hillsong.

Something that is also awesome, my brother wants to start running with me. This makes me very happy. I don't spend enough time with him, so running with him is gonna be awesome. I want my friendship with my brother to be the closest I have, and it currently isn't. I think this could help a ton.

I have been very stressed about work lately. I have too much work and not enough time to get it done in. I hammered my boss on a call again today to send me help ASAP. Last time we visited this topic was last month and he said he would send help. He hasn't and my support work load has just increased since then. Hopefully this time he actually sends me help. I let him know things will come to a head soon if he doesn't do something.

I just realized I treat my Blog more like a Journal. I guess one use for a Blog could be journaling (not a word?). I just always think of a Blog as a commentary or opinion rather than a journal. Maybe I will try and mix it up going forward.

Also, yey for the Old Testament. I am reading through the bible in chronological order and I am in Deuteronomy and it's actually pretty good. I always feared the Pentateuch even though I had never completely read through all 5 books. Now that I am towards the end of the 5 books, they actually are pretty awesome. Especially if you don't have a good understanding of the nation of Israel and how messed up humans, even the chosen people of God, can be. Very cool stuff.

100 in 300

I am over eating on a daily basis. Stress from work is killing me. Stopped running after a good week last week. Chasing towards the wrong things is hurting. Need to pursue God and dump all other pursuits. Focusing is hard due to amount of work in and out of work. Personal life is too cluttered and full. Need to scale everything back before I blow up. Warning myself now, hoping I listen...

100 in 300

306.8... it's time...

100 in 300 Update

I have been very successful going backwards! I am up to 306.4 now! I am so tired all the time. It's not just physical, it's emotionally, mentally, spiritually. I am very apathetic towards everything right now. So it really comes down to make or break time. I only have about 3 months until the half marathon. I only have 8 months to get to 200 lbs. On the bright side none of my clothes fit me...

I don't know that I really care enough to do this all over again. The first time was more of a "can I do it" thing. Now I know I can and I just so don't care... I don't like who I am right now but nothing is really pushing me to change. It's that comfy lukewarm feeling that can be so easy to swim in.

I honestly don't know what will happen to me. I just know I am close to breaking one way or another. The tension is building in the apathy and it will break through soon.

Fat man's dream and desire

For my stress to be gone. For my daily tension to be gone. For my focus to not be on food. For my focus to not be on my needs. For myself to not be the focus of me.

For my focus to be Christ. For love to be my daily addition. For God's Word to be my focus. For my focus to be others. For God to be the focus of me.

Yep...

Why does change require so much action and effort? To change is hard and it always seems to require more effort than I am willing to give. You would think that after years of trying on my own to change things I would learn to give these things up to God. I know that is what I should do but for some reason I don't. My level of frustration with my old habits has reached an all time high. But despite this I still choose to live in my old habits. I need a change and I need it now.